Merry Christmas 2009!

The official 2009 Hockey family Christmas card:

2009 was a year of big changes for the Hockey family. The first week into the year we got our biggest change when someone came into our lives that has changed us forever - our daughter, Adelaide Rose, was born on Jan. 7. The completely healthy but awfully tiny little girl was welcomed with open arms and turned our world upside down. Ben and I often talk about having a child as unlike anything else in life, and we are so blessed to have her in ours.

Adelaide had just been home with us for one week when Ben had to start what would be his final tour working for tobyMac. He was gone about 3 nights a week which actually gave him a good chance to catch up on sleep! I wasn't alone at home though - many out of town friends and relatives came to visit and help out in the early days and weeks, including my mom who was able to stay with us for 3 weeks. I also had the support of our friends in Nashville who brought meals regularly for 5 weeks! We were very blessed and able to focus on enjoying each moment with Adelaide, whether at 4 am or pm.

Ben continued touring through February. When Adelaide turned 7 weeks old, she and I flew to Oklahoma to visit my family and friends, in particular to see my dad and Grandma who hadn't met her yet. We enjoyed a lovely weekend with my family and returned to Nashville, only to hop in the car to drive to Memphis - Ben was finally getting his interview for his Green Card! This was also the first week that Adelaide began sleeping 8 hours at night, something that had been far from my memory! Around this time, Ben also decided to make a big change - he shaved his head.

When Ben was reaching the end of his tour, mid-March, he received a phone call for a job located in New Jersey writing computer software. On March 16 we celebrated my 21st birthday and also attended Ben's last show of the tour with Toby. That week he finalized the offer from New Jersey and we were moved within 2 weeks! Thankfully, Ben's parents were visiting at the time and were able to pack up everything for us.

We were en route to New Jersey and stopped for 2 nights to stay with my brother and sister-in-law in Washington, D.C. While there, we learned that my grandmother in Arkansas had passed away. We finished our drive to NJ, were there for 2 nights, and then Adelaide and I were on a plane back to Oklahoma.

(Pictured: The 'Hammett' children at grandma's funeral - Aunt Susan, Aunt Jai, dad, Aunt Mary, Uncle Mark)

We returned to New Jersey and got settled into our new apartment, with the help of my Aunt Susan and cousins Robin, Andy, and Raven. It was such a blessing that my family only lives down the road from where we are living now. Ben started his new job in April and a few weeks later we left for our cruise that Ben was working on. I flew to OK and the day I was leaving I received a phone call from my dad that my step-mom, Robbi, had passed away that day. Adelaide and I got to Claremore late that night and then I spent the next couple of days with my family and comforting my dad.

(Adelaide with my step-mom, Robbi, and my dad, on February 27)

On Monday that week I flew out to meet Ben in Florida and Adelaide stayed with my mom for 5 days! It was very hard to leave her for so long, but we knew she was in good hands. While we were gone she turned 4 months old and began rolling over on her own. I returned to OK on Friday to get Adelaide, see my dad again, and then flew back to NJ on Saturday. Sunday was Mother's Day (my first one!) and we spent the day at my Aunt Susan's with family. On Monday I received a phone call from my brother saying my dad had been in a minor car accident, but he was fine. He hadn't slept in days and was mourning the loss of his wife and mother, who passed away within a month of each other. My brothers stayed with him most of the day as he finally got some sleep. That night I received a call from my mom saying that my dad had suddenly gone into cardiac arrest and they were rushing him to the hospital. They weren't able to revive him.

That night was one of the most surreal nights of my life. My cousin, Robin, rushed right over to sit with Ben and I as we tried to dissect what had just happened. I booked a flight back home and returned to OK the next day to grieve with my brothers. The four of us (with tremendous help from my mom, sister-in-law Kerry, and others) planned a funeral for our father who passed away at 50 years old.

The rest of the year since then has been a bit of a blur for me. We have celebrated many joyous moments with Adelaide and have watched her grow up - a little too fast. She has had many 'firsts' this year - crawling, teeth, standing, laughing, talking, and on and on. Many of our family members have had the opportunity to visit us since living in New Jersey, including Ben's brother Carl, and his wife, Jane, who have spent the last few weeks with us. And we are looking forward to the arrival of both of our parents within the coming weeks to celebrate Adelaide's first birthday with us.

Thank you to all of our friends and family who have been praying for us this year through our many changes. We are looking forward to the next year and can't even imagine what the Lord has in store for us!

home for the holidays

It always seems to happen at this time of year - rush, rush, rush! Everything just seems to happen so quickly and everyone's schedules are packed. This is one of the reasons I love going to Australia at this time of year - just much more relaxed.

Ben and I, Australia, Jan. 6, 2007

A month has passed since my last update. Adelaide and I flew to Oklahoma with no problems at all and spent a week with my mom, traveling from OK to NW Arkansas to Nashville to Alexandria, VA.

It was a wonderful time to see so many of my family members and friends. It would have been wonderful to have been longer, but it was difficult for both Adelaide and I to be away from Ben for so long.

We also had Adelaide's first Thanksgiving a few weeks ago at Aunt Susan's house. It was a wonderful day even though it was very hard to be away from my family. Ben's brother, Carl, and his wife, Jane, have been with us for a week and will be here until after Adelaide's birthday. It is very special to have some family here with us right now and I'm looking forward to Christmas with them.

10 Month Old Update

I needed to create a post today because I realized something - my baby girl isn't really a 'baby' anymore! I was making a new video in Photo Booth of Adelaide and then scrolled through the previous videos that I have made since we moved to NJ. I just couldn't get over how much she has changed... her appearance, her voice, her actions! I really love it, even though it is a tough pill to swallow that she is growing so quickly.

I read a blog of another mom who posts weekly updates of her daughter who is a few months younger than Adelaide. I decided to use some of her headlines for today's post to chronicle all the new things Adelaide has been doing lately.

10 Months Old - Adelaide Rose:

NURSING:

Adelaide has nursed exclusively since birth. I must admit that I love the bonding time that we have through this. It makes waking up in the morning a joy to have that time with her. She currently nurses 4 times a day, about every 3.5-4 hours.

PUMPING:

I have to pump each night before I go to bed, between 10 and 11 pm. Adelaide has her last nurse usually at 6:30, and doesn't eat again until 8am, so it was too long in between which is why I pump nightly. Do I love doing this? Umm, no. Actually, I get quite tired of it. But is it worth it to continue to breastfeed? Totally. And it means I have plenty of milk to mix with her cereal, etc.

SLEEPING:

Adelaide is a wonderful sleeper, and has been since we started her sleeping 8 hours at 8 weeks old. She currently goes to bed at 7:30 and gets up between 7:30 and 8 - depending on when I decide to get up :)

SOLIDS:

We make all of Adelaide's meals and usually freeze them so they last for quite a while. I also love doing this! Feeding her fresh, healthy, homemade food is a good feeling! Her menu this week: Apples and Pears w/ cinnamon; Oatmeal w/ pear and apricots; Potatoes w/ peas, broccoli, and spinach; and Braised beef w/ sweet potato, parsnip, and carrots. She also loves to eat yogurt and her baby cereal (whole wheat, rice, oatmeal), and toast and cheerios. I currently offer her solids after each nurse, instead of 3x a day, because she hasn't been gaining any weight lately. She has started to eat more at each meal recently, so we may go back to solids just 3x a day.

NEW SKILLS:

In the past month, Adelaide has started crawling on her hands and knees, clapping, sticking out her tongue, and waving. She's one smart cookie ;)

Next Monday Adelaide and I are flying to OK to go on a 'road trip' with my mom, from OK to Arkansas to Nashville to DC and back to New Jersey. I am looking forward to seeing many family and friends!

One moment in time

When Adelaide was 7 weeks old, she and I flew to Oklahoma so she could meet my family there... or, so the family could meet her. We knew my Grandma was sick and probably wouldn't live much longer, but I wanted her to meet Adelaide so bad. While we were there that weekend, we travelled to Arkansas so Grandma could meet her Rose Bud.

Our flight landed in Tulsa on Wednesday, February 25, and my dad and I had already decided that he would pick us up from the airport and we could hang out for the day. This was also his first time to meet sweet Adelaide. He and my step-mom, Robbi, picked us up at TUL in a limo, no less, that someone from my dad's work had 'loaned' to him for the day, complete with a cowboy driver who probably hadn't been to Tulsa in 10 years. We drove into town to a bead store and Robbi got out to look at beads for making jewelry. This was a hobby she picked up recently and she didn't get out of the house much because of her sickness, so this was a good day for her to be able to do so many things. My dad, Adelaide, and I waited in the limo while Robbi did a little shopping. It was a wonderful few minutes, where dad held Adelaide and I think this is when he fell in love with her.

When Robbi was done in the bead store, we headed to Pryor where my dad was working at Eggbert's at the time. We went there to have lunch and it was the first time for Robbi or myself to see where dad was working. While there, I nursed Adelaide in my dad's office and ate a delicious breakfast/lunch! (One that did not sit so well with Adelaide from the grease.) The limo then took us back to Claremore to my dad's house where I spent the rest of the afternoon. Robbi's mom, Pat, came over to see Adelaide and she couldn't get enough of her. Robbi was able to stay in the living room with us for a little while, but eventually got pretty tired and had to go lay down. This is when my dad and I had a few minutes alone with Adelaide.

"I want to be a part of her life," he said, tears in his eyes. I was crying, too, as we both knew what he meant. He wanted to be a part of her life as he wasn't there for a big portion of my life. "I do, too, dad," I finally managed the words out of my mouth.

Neither of us knew at the time that it wasn't going to happen. As much as we both wanted, he wouldn't be able to be a part of Adelaide's - or my - life much longer.

At the feet of Jesus

I keep wanting to write an exciting post, something not just relaying my day-to-day happenings and experiences. But the only time I feel the inspiration to journal is usually when I'm struggling emotionally. Have you ever felt like you just want to talk to someone, but when you pick up the phone you decide you really don't want to talk at all? That's how I often feel when thoughts of my dad play through my head. I know there are plenty of people that I could call and would listen to me talk and weep, but that just isn't very appealing to me.

Today has been an especially tiring, emotional day, but when I lay my head down to take a nap and close my eyes, the events of my dad's last days on earth just seem to play through my head. I can hear him talking and I can smell his house. I want to sleep because I think it will make me feel better. But then he comes into my dreams. He talks to me and tells me that he's alive. It's crazy, really, because I almost feel like it is real, like Jesus is just holding my hand, reminding me that my dad is ALIVE! He has true life now, life everlasting!

While my mom is a worshipper, I feel like I got my love of worship from my dad. He loved to praise Jesus. Even when times were tough, and for him, they were quite often. I just wonder how much more now he is loving being able to worship at the feet of Jesus... how amazing. I don't think he would want me to continue to weep, but he would want me to have joy. And I long for the joy of the Lord...

Changes

Mmm, change is in the air, along with the glorious smell of fall weather. As I'm sure any parent knows, there are many changes in the first year of a baby. [I can speak of this from personal experience :)] Adelaide has had a multitude of changes this past month, and I hope that I am able to chronicle them all, otherwise, they may be soon forgotten.

During the month of September, Adelaide got her first tooth! This is a very big thing. A tooth symbolizes her rapidly changing eating schedule, requiring more and more solids, and eventually, no more of mum's milk. I try not to think of that too much, because her time nursing with me is truly one of my favorite things of being a mum. It's hard to describe, but there is an amazing bond that we are able to share - 4 times a day :). When her first tooth had just come through the skin, we realized the one right next to it was coming as well! Two teeth poked through within 2 weeks. Teething troubles haven't really seems to be a problem with her, although it has been hard to tell because of another first she has experienced - her first illness.

Last week Adelaide had her first fever - over 101 F. The doctor did not consider this the typical 'low-grade fever' that accompanies teething. After 3 days of fever and 2 days at the doctor's office, she tested positive for a urinary tract infection - UTI. Not very fun for our sweet little 8 month old! Thankfully, we were able to get her on antibiotics and break the fever after another day. She seems to be feeling great again, and the doctor wants to run some more tests (a sonogram) to make sure everything looks good inside. We are praying for good reports and know that the Lord never gives you more than you can handle.

Ben's 6-month contract with Verizon wireless is coming to an end in about 2 weeks and it will be time for re-negotiations. A raise is already in the works, which is an amazing blessing. But we still are unsure as to what the future holds for our family. I truly miss Franklin and our friends and church family there. I miss the roads and the restaurants and the shops and the towne square. I miss the weather and the trees. God remains faithful and I believe he will either bring us back there, or take away the love I have for Franklin! :)

A new season is always a good time for me to reflect on the past season - what have I been doing? Am I making good use of the time God has given me? I have been so very blessed and continue to pray for contentment in this stage of life.

I Corinthians 2:9

"But it is written: 'Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.'"

the changing of times...

really? already it's the last day of august is autumn is most certainly in the air. we had a couple of weeks of very hot and humid weather here in new jersey, but today i felt a new crisp breeze, and it felt good. adelaide will be 8 months old in just a week.

i was thinking the other night about what a privilege it is to be a mom (or a parent in general). i cannot think of any greater gift in life. often times at night when adelaide has been asleep for a while my heart has a little ache in it... i miss her! this little girl that i have spent hours and hours taking care of all day long, finally i get a little break, and i just want to sneak into her room and watch her breathe. i look forward to watching her grow - i just hope it doesn't happen too fast!

i started this blog right after my dad died, nearly 4 months ago. while most days are good, some days are harder than ever. i just want to share my life with him. it's good to know though that he would be so proud of me. i miss my brothers more than ever and long for a day when we can all be together again.

the Lord has blessed our family once again - it looks as though ben will be getting a raise this month at work! we are very unsure as to what the future holds, but we cling to the truth that God has a purpose for our lives.

money money money yeah!

tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary since ben and i got married. time certainly has flown by, especially with the help of our now 7 month old daughter, adelaide (who is currently talking to herself in her crib. she likes to do this in the middle of nap time, and i really don't mind, because she is still in there and i am in here and able to stuff done). tonight we are going out to celebrate and my cousin, robin, will come here to watch adelaide. a date! what an exciting word in the world of parenthood :)

today i especially want to chronicle the Lord's hand on our finances since we got married. we have "struggled" a lot, but probably not in a sense that most people can see. ben already owned a home when we got married, a very nice one at that, and we haven't ever been without anything. but everything has been tight - very little breathing room for the past 2 years. we quickly paid off the little debt ben put on a credit card for some wedding/honeymoon expenses after we got married, and remained debt free until we moved to new jersey in march. we had to put the moving expenses on a credit card, but also paid that off last month and officially cut up and cancelled the one credit card we had. we are big Dave Ramsey listeners and have been very wise with our money since we got married, a huge blessing for a 'young' couple :) and we were hoping with ben's new job and the substantial pay increase that we would finally be able to save some money, buy life insurance, etc, just some necessary things. we don't want anything lavish or to go to broadway shows or anything, we just were hoping to be able to relax a little bit on our very tight budget.

well, that hasn't happened yet. we moved here and were unable to sell the house quickly, so we got some renters in there. it doesn't cover the mortgage which means we are back to even, much like our situation in nashville. but this is ok, in fact, it's very good. month after month we have seen the Lord work out what should have been a negative budget, and make it positive. literally - month after month. one may think i'm exaggerating here, but i have the proof as we have all of our previous budgets still online.

so at the beginning of this months budget, we were planned to come out even. again. thank you Lord, what a relief, i thought, as i saved our 'august' budget on google docs. then last week we were in the city (aka the big apple) for church and got a parking ticket. "Too close to the fire hydrant - $115." seriously, Lord? a parking ticket when we were just trying to go to church? ok, well we will have to let you figure this one out. we came home and looked back at our budget online. there was nothing to squeeze out of it. nothing. then we got the rent check from our property manager in nashville yesterday. the check was nearly $150 less than what we thought it would be, because of some utilities expenses. ok, now this is just getting humorous. my mom did give us $50 for our anniversary which was unexpected, but still not enough to send us back up to even. so this morning as i closed out of google docs, i said one more time, Lord, i give this to you. it is out of my hands.

this is just 11 days into august, and it is looking very similar to many other months for us. who knows what the rest of the month will hold! which is why in matthew 6:34 it says,

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

i will not worry about tomorrow or the end of the month. something our pastor in nashville once said is that God did not fail me yesterday, therefore, i trust him with tomorrow. can't wait to see how he takes care of us this month! :)

A New Page

Today marked a turning point in my life. Really, this is big. We bought a new car, which means we will over the next few weeks be selling my Dodge Neon that I have driven since I turned 16. The Neon has been a part of my life for quite a while, but this new Hyundai Sonata marks a new chapter upon my life. Am I officially 'grown up'? I think I may be an adult now...

Adelaide is just amazing. What a privilege to watch her grow each day. As she approaches 7 months old at a rather rapid pace, I try to revel in each day and not miss a thing. I find myself missing her when she takes a nap for longer than an hour. She started crawling a week ago, and it is just amazing to see her move herself around now. I think she is much happier being mobile. This afternoon, I laid down on the carpet with her and we just laughed at each other for several minutes. She would blow bubbles on my arm and then I would laugh which would make her laugh... it was an endless cycle, that brings joy to my heart even thinking about it. Oh how I wish she could stay little and grow up, all at the same time.

Adelaide sleeps about 13 hours each night and is only eating 4 times during the day, 3 of those meals being breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Her menu includes rice cereal, sweet potatoes, carrots, broccoli, apples, and as of tonight, sweet peas. We tried green beans, but she really didn't care for those, and I made some pears yesterday that she will get to taste this week. I love making her food, as it is quite simple right now with just purees. She also plays very well independently. I can leave her in her exersaucer in her room for very long periods of time, or on the carpet in the living room with her toys, and she has so much fun. She is so curious about everything. What a wonderful life.

rest

6 months old! that's how old our baby girl is today. the past 6 months have literally flown by and i have had trouble keeping up. it all came to a halt as i woke up this morning feeling rather sick, which of course, i do not have any time for. adelaide's 6-mo. check up was today as well, so ben came on home after half a day of work to bring her to the pediatrician with me. she's perfect, no surprise there.

today was also the memorial service for Michael Jackson, which i mostly watched online. a sad sight, especially for his 3 young children. also made me reminiscent of my own father's service just a short time ago. still seems quite surreal that my dad has passed away. some days i feel it hard and strong and others it just doesn't quite seem like reality.

my days lately seem like a blur. i try to let life slow down and just breathe naturally, but it is hard to get air. i am becoming thirstier for a drink of life from my Jesus daily, and continue to pray that He would revive me with some fresh air.

i feel as though i'm learning a lot about life and about giving up my own will. it is hard not knowing what the Lord's plans are for our family in the immediate future, concerning ben's work and our location, but in the meantime i will soak up the goodness that we are now where we are supposed to be and it's usually for a bigger purpose than what i can see.

thank you, Lord, for a moment of peace amidst the chaos of life.

update: our baby, our home, our life

so if you have a child, you probably understand what i mean when i say that children totally change your life, turn it upside down, in fact.

before children, one is allowed to be totally selfish - and not just in a bad way. you can (to a certain extent) wake up when you want, eat when you want, go and do what you please. welcome to the world of selflessness when you have a baby. it is no longer about you my friend, but instead you are learning new things every day and just when you think you have figured out this tiny little creature, they change everything up on you again.

so adelaide and i have a pretty good thing going here in new jersey. our day-to-day schedule is of much consistency but still has room for variety. i have learned not to live according to a schedule, but instead to let the schedule work to my advantage.

adelaide is blooming. most of her time is spent on her stomach, not her back. it's very difficult to keep her on her back once she figured out how to get to her stomach by herself. she loves to sleep in the corner of her crib on her stomach. she has pictures of family on the wall that she looks at when she wakes up from her nap or when she awakens in the morning, and this keeps her satisfied for quite some time. i have FINALLY cleaned her room (mostly) and am very proud of her neat space. (our room, on the other hand, is still chaos. still waiting on someone to come and clean after me?) she loves to smile, talk and more recently, give good, hearty, belly-laughs. she is a whopping 14 pounds. adelaide was born with a lot of hair but now that has mostly fallen out. she has new hair coming in that is quite a bit lighter than her baby hair. her cheeks are to-die-for and i probably kiss them a hundred times a day. no one could convince me that there is a thing wrong with this child, our blessing from the Lord.

a big weekend coming up for us here. my brother andy and sister-in-law kerry are coming here to visit saturday morning from their home in DC, about 4 hours away. they will stay overnight and on sunday my mom is flying in from Oklahoma to spend a week with us. tomorrow is her 50th birthday, what a milestone! i am so proud of the amazing woman she is. this will also be the first saturday both ben and i have been here since april 25.

in other news, it appears as though our home in franklin is no longer going to be vacant, as some tenants will be moving in july 1! thank you Jesus! what a blessing. we will have a property manager handle the details which is another load off of us. in the midst of the madness ben and i have drawn closer to each other and to God. we still have not found "the church" but our spiritual community here is developing as well. thank you Jesus for new life!

new life

just a lot on my mind and needing a place to let out my thoughts. i'm currently sitting on my bed at home, alone, except for my 5 month old daughter sitting next to me, trying terribly to entertain herself. it's a difficult thing to do at such a young age, but she knows her mom needs it :)

i really feel like ben and i have an amazing baby. but of course, i would feel this way even without any evidence to back it up. she does happen to be beautiful in every tiniest feature and she sleeps 12 hours at night (hey, how could that not be considered amazing?). but it's the little things. she LOVES it when we sing to her, but only in a high voice, ben in his falsetto or me singing soprano (and let me tell you people, i am NOT a soprano). she blows raspberries back to me as i sing to her. the way that she holds on tight to me as she nurses is the most heart-warming thing i have ever experienced.

a new recipe for life

most days are good, great, in fact. people ask how i'm doing and i'm not lying when i say that things are going well. God has truly blessed me in more ways than i can count. if you know me very well, you probably know that i like to focus on positive things.

and then every once in a while, i feel like i'm suffocating. like i can't breathe and there is no air to be found. i just had one of those moments. and really there is no warning of it, no precursor to tell me to prepare. just a rush of emotions. and in this situation i'm referring to my dad. i was preparing dinner, actually just a salad to accompany last nights' leftovers: stuffed chicken with lemon basil pasta. of course, i'm just following recipes usually. who can't do that? but then when i get my own inspiration to try something new or stray from the black-and-white instructions, i feel the spirit of my dad living through me. i just wish he were here so i could share these things with him.

i don't expect life to seize without my dad but i also want to prepare for the reality of how difficult certain times may be for me. especially over the course of the next year. i'm blessed in my daily life and continue to walk with my Heavenly Father. i'm sure that He, too, appreciates the little things i add to our dinner recipes.

dark enough to see the stars

(the picture to the right is my step-mom, Robbi, with Adelaide, my daughter, in February this year)

we moved into our apartment around the first of april. ben has been working, i've been taking care of adelaide and have also been flying back and forth to tulsa 3 times since we moved in. needless to say, there are still a handful of boxes yet to be unpacked. i was working on emptying one today and came across a box of old pictures, mostly ones that i had taken during elementary school. i went through the box and lost in the midst of the pictures was one letter, written to me from robbi, my step-mom, who passed away on may 1 this year. the letter was post-marked august 26, 1998, only 2 years after my dad and she had married. these are the contents of that letter:

Dear Rachel -

I hope this letter finds you well. We were so glad we got to see all of you and spend some time with you. It was a short visit but, sometimes the small things mean so much to us. We were disappointed to find out we would be working on Labor Day, but it's part of this job. And we're very thankful for our job.

We put your bear with the other bears and its very happy. I think that's why I enjoy Teddy Bears so much, they're always happy. Pooh is my favorite, because no matter what situation he gets in, he's always happy.

Life is full of situations and some of them are unpleasant, but God wants us to find happiness, even when things feel unpleasant. 

In the Bible, Paul is a great example of that. He experienced alot of unpleasant things and he remained joyful knowing that God would see him through it.

I hope you enjoyed the tape, your dad and I were blessed by their music and ministry. They have a song called Window of Mercy and its fabulous. It talks about God's faithfulness no matter what the circumstance, just believe in him and he will pull you through it.

Your so precious, God has his arms wrapped tightly around you, and everything will be alright. There is a wonderful saying; "When it's dark enough to see the stars." which meanseven when things seem so bad theres a wonderful miracle in it. Have you ever gone outside and just looked at all the stars in the sky? Out here the stars are so brilliant, you could almost touch them. There are so many of them and they shine through all of the darkness.

Some night Rachel, go out, not by yourself of course, and just look at all the stars and be encouraged. Thank God for all of those wonderful miracles shining through the darkness. We miss you and can't wait to see you. Take care little angel.

Love,

Robbi

i don't think robbi realized at the time what the words of this letter would mean to me today, 11 years after it was originally written, and with me in such a different place in life. at the time, i was 10 years old, living in claremore, ok, with my mom and brothers. my how things have changed. i now live with my husband and our little girl in new jersey. it will be interesting to see where i am in another 11 years... 

today, i am thankful for all the wonderful miracles that shine through each star. i am thankful for my Jesus that has all of my hopes and dreams and wonders and cares in the palm of his hand. 

homeward bound

adelaide, my 4 month old little girl, and i returned back to our new home in new jersey late last night. ben picked us up from the airport, an airport that i have spent a lot of time at lately. 

this trip back to oklahoma was very difficult. at 21 years old, i - along with my 3 brothers - held a funeral service for our dad, jim hammett. what an amazing man.

sometimes (like now) it is so hard to live without regrets. my dad and i have had a long road, especially in the last 13 years since he left my mother. i was only 8 when he left for "another woman" and at my young age i forgave very easily. it took me years to realize how bad i was hurt by my dad. but i think all of this is good. i think it also took my dad many years to realize how much he had hurt me and my brothers. these past several years though have been years of healing and maturity for me. i have learned so many things from my dad.

i am selfish in that i just want my dad to be here on earth. but God is teaching me the bigger picture. he is teaching me that life (truly) is just a glimpse in eternity. dad was (only) 50 years old. he loved deeply and was loved deeply. he knew the love of his Jesus and the love of his children, and really, what more could one ask for? i will honor my dad in my heart for as long as i live, that is, until one day i join him in Heaven. join him, my step-mom robbi, grandma, grandpa, uncle larry, uncle tuck, my sweet cousin trevor, and my dear friend lacy. 

the Lord is preparing a banquet table in Heaven, and he now has a lot of help from my father. life seems difficult now on earth as ben and i were talking about last night, but we have a hope. how beautiful is that?