Parenting Tip: Within the Funnel

One of my favorite tips from the Babywise series (don't stop reading yet, hah!) is the idea of parenting within the funnel. It is a pretty basic idea that comes down to keeping a child's freedoms/choices within a healthy realm for their age/maturity level. Ben and I have often struggled with this in just little bits and before we know it the child is making a lot more decisions than what they are mentally ready for. One of our biggest slip-ups with this, and such an easy mistake to make, is letting the child always choose what color cup/plate, etc. that they would like to use that day. It seems super simple, right? What's wrong with letting my 3-year old pick if he wants the blue plate or the green plate for breakfast? Well inherently there isn't anything wrong with this decision. It doesn't have moral consequences and can make for a much happier morning. The problem becomes when this same child cannot eat off of the orange plate tomorrow because that is what daddy picked out, rather than the child getting the choice. Then later that day when we are at the grocery store and the sweet little one wants to get his choice of cereal... and yogurt... and chocolate at the check-out. What happens when you say 'no'? Possibly a tantrum, right? If they were allowed to choose their color of plate that morning, and then pick their clothes for the day, why wouldn't they also get to pick out what we buy at the store, and what time they take a nap, and then decide it's ok to throw toys at their siblings? It becomes a super slippery slope and we need to allow our kids to make choices within their realm, yes, because we want them to know how to make the right decisions as they grow older. But if mama says that today we will only buy one type of yogurt then that has to be ok, too (coming from personal experience).

Children are not equipped to handle all of life's decisions and parents are here to help them with that. We can let them make some choices but knowing if they make the wrong one, we will correct it. Whenever Ben and I scale back on how many decisions the kids are allowed to make, there is always some resistance of course, but it makes life so much better in the long run. Our kids are currently 1.5, 3.5, and 5.5 years old and they are all allowed different levels of choice for what is appropriate for them. Malachi, who is 1.5, cannot decide what clothes he is going to wear today. That's too big of a choice for him. There are very few choices in fact that he takes part in. But his big sister who is 5.5 picks out her own clothes each morning and gets dressed on her own. (Although if mom or dad isn't happy with the choice she made, we have the authority to over ride her decision and save those clothes for another day.) Parents, let's look ahead to tomorrow with our parenting and not just try to make it through another day. For a bit more on parenting within the funnel, check out one of my favorite blogs here.

Dear Adelaide, A Lost Tooth

Dear Adelaide, 

You lost your first tooth today. You were so very excited when it came out. I had been taking a nap and came downstairs and could hardly understand you through your joy. I had just missed what happened - daddy thinks you helped the tooth along on its journey. I must be honest, I didn't think this day would come so soon. You're only 5! When you were 3 we read a book about someone losing a tooth and you have been so excited about this day ever since then. I bought you your own book about Peppa Pig and the tooth fairy just last month. 

Tonight I took that tiny little tooth from under your pillow and placed two shiny coins (quarters) in its place. If I know you, there will be more excitement in the morning. But tonight your momma, who is experiencing a multitude of pregnancy hormones, is crying a few tears remembering the day that this very same tooth first came through. It was the first tooth to enter your beautiful little mouth. You were 8 months old and we lived in our apartment in New Jersey. I was laying on the floor playing with you and for some reason stuck my finger in your mouth (probably to see if you had eaten something you weren't supposed to). I screamed out with excitement when I felt a sharp little tooth poking through your bottom gums, although daddy mistook my scream for worry and thought you HAD eaten something you weren't supposed to. We had no idea you had that first little tooth. You showed no signs of teething, no fussiness, no drooling, no waking up in the night. (You still have a high pain tolerance today!) But there it was, a small tooth, making way for a new chapter in your life. You were growing up. A few days later that little tooth gained a friend and you had two sharp little edges in the bottom of your mouth. 

You grow up a little more each day. Sometimes I am so heavy hearted thinking of how fast the days go. But I am also so overwhelmed with joy seeing how beautiful you are today. I am so grateful I get to spend my days with you and your brothers. There has never been a more important calling for my life than the one placed on it right now. And I think I will always remember today, just as I will always remember that day years ago when that little tooth first came through. 

Love forever and ever and always,

Mama 

On Asking For Help

Why is it so hard to ask for help? I am truly puzzled with this question today. I can't tell you how many times I have told friends of mine "just call if you need anything!" And been truly upset to find out later that they didn't call when they should have. And yet, I'm realizing I do the exact same thing. 

I had such a rough day today. I can't even pinpoint the exact reason. I didn't get a great nights sleep, but the kids did and they even slept in longer than normal. We made it in the car and drove thru at Starbucks then a dear friend brought over groceries and lunch for us. I had all three kids in bed for naps and sat on the stairs in tears. I just felt physically and emotionally exhausted and couldn't imagine having to face the rest of the day on my own with Ben out of town. I had plenty of people tell me in advance that they could help me out today, so after a nap myself, I started sending out a few messages. Reluctantly. After one person wasn't available, I felt discouraged and started thinking of reasons not to contact others. All the while knowing - I truly needed the help! I did contact two more people but didn't hear back from one, so when 5 o'clock rolled around, I turned on the oven to put in a frozen pizza for dinner. Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I am beyond grateful that my children have never once had to go hungry. But all we have eaten around here lately is take out and I am just sick of it. I love to cook meals from scratch for my family and it drives me crazy that I can't do that at this time. That's just a side note ;) 

So as I turned on the oven, my friend that I had text earlier in the day called, apologizing for not seeing my message sooner. She asked if I still needed anything, and I was kind of like, "eh, we will be fine with a frozen pizza and another friend still might be able to come over, so don't worry about it." We hung up and I burst into tears. I knew I wasn't fine! Why couldn't I just say it? Well The Lord was helping me out because no sooner had we hung up that she called back and said, "I'm coming over, I'll make scrambled eggs and bring fruit and veggies and clean up the kitchen." Once again I was crying, this time just so overwhelmed with gratitude and I didn't argue but instead gave her our address :)

I want to be like my friend. I want to be able to see others' needs without them having to call and spell them out. I want to be so in tune with the Spirit that I can be God's hands and feet whenever the opportunity is presented. 

Thank you, Lord, for seeing my needs today and working through my friend, Charlotte. Thank you for not leaving me abandoned and teaching me yet again the power of community and to humble myself and ask for help. We made it through another day! :) 

Charlie - 3 years old

Charlie (25 months old) - Jan 2013

Charlie turned 3 two months ago (December 9) and where has the time gone! Life is fun with this little guy and he brightens up my day with each sweet smile, when he holds my hand, and when he says randomly "I love you, mum." He is quite a complex boy with such a big heart and huge emotions. He doesn't do things half-way - he's all in, or all out, which is why he loves so big.

Charlie (26 months old) & Papa - Feb 2013

Last year was quite a challenging year for Ben and I, I think, just trying to figure out how to best parent Charlie. It was quite evident from the beginning that he is very different from his sister and his needs are his own, so we are learning all over again how to raise a child. Two years old held a lot of rough mornings, but I think we learned how important consistency is in the life of a two year old.

Charlie (2.5 years old) & Adelaide (4 years old) - June 2013

Charlie is so smart! He has known his alphabet for quite some time now, can identify all of the letters and their sounds, and can count well - I'm not actually sure how high, probably past 20? He speaks in perfect sentences and sometimes takes a few seconds for his mouth to catch up with his brain, so Adelaide (well, all of us) has to try and not speak for him before he gets a chance :) Charlie is very LOUD, he is as loud as Adelaide is quiet. This is also just a part of his nature. He can be shy at times but makes friends quickly. He isn't usually happy leaving Ben and I at church or at mom-to-mom, but his teachers say he always calms down quickly and enjoys his entire time there. He is happy when we pick him up and his teachers all brag about how smart he is! He has a great memory - he still talks about going back to Henry's house in Australia, who we visited last summer, and keeps asking when it will be Christmas again.

Adelaide, Charlie & Oma - June 2013

Charlie will start preschool two days a week in the fall and he is eagerly awaiting this. I know he will just love it. I will miss having him at home all day with me though. Thursday morning is our time that we get to spend together while Adelaide is at school and Malachi takes a nap. Charlie LOVES: play-doh, painting, and cutting with scissors. He is very good with scissors, too. He sits at the table for an hour doing any one of these activities. He is also doing well having play time in his room once a day for about 40 minutes, as long as I am consistent about it. If we miss more than a couple of days of it, we have a hard time getting back into it. While he was two I was not good about being consistent with this but it has added so much structure back to our day since we have implemented it again (another great Babywise tip). Charlie has been daytime potty trained since he was 20 months old and is dry 9/10 when he wakes from his nap, although he does still wear a nappy for nap and bed time. We will probably work on eliminating this soon. He has been doing his poop in the toilet 100% for about 6 weeks now. (Yay!!) He sleeps in cloth diapers still.

Charlie (2.5) - June 2013

Charlie doesn't like the cold so we are really looking forward to the summer! He also isn't a fan of the water, but he does keep asking if we can go back to the pool. He still sucks his thumb but only when tired or in the car. We are still holding onto puppy. We lost him for about 48 hours a couple of months ago and it was so hard - on the whole family! We finally found him 'in jail' under a step stool. He loves 'reading' books and being read to. His imagination is really blossoming over the past few months and he can make up storied of his own now. He often makes up Bible stories. Charlie sleeps about 11 hours at night and 2-2.5 hours during the day. He has never had a nap strike (unlike Adelaide at his age) and truly needs his sleep.

Henry, Adelaide and Charlie - Australia, July 2013

 Charlie loves eating and will try just about anything we put in front of him. Amazingly, one of his favorite things to eat is salad! He loves eating handfuls of raw spinach (no, I'm not making this up) and has been doing this for the past few months. He loves raw vegetables, especially carrots. He loves pasta, bagels and muffins. He also loves fruit - watermelon is his favorite, but I don't think there is any kind of fruit he won't eat. He also loves meat, especially bacon! He loves breakfast (like his mama), and most days we eat oatmeal with blueberries but on the weekend I like to make pancakes or waffles and he loves both of them. He does like sweets, probably cookies more than anything, but is so good about eating in moderation if we are at a birthday party or something. I love that he doesn't clean his bowl just because it's ice cream (unlike his mother).

Charlie on Christmas morning, 2013 (3 years old)

 We are beyond blessed to have Charlie as a part of our family. He loves to just be all together and when Ben or I try to take him on a special outing/date, he enjoys it but always comments about how he wishes Adelaide and the rest of the family were with him. Love you, Charlie Hockey!!

Hockey family, Claremore, OK, Sept 2013
(photo by TC Yates Photography)

Happy Birthday Malachi!

Welcome to our family, little bud

Malachi James - 1 week old

Malachi turned one year old exactly one month ago. I actually can't believe a whole month has already passed since his birthday, but we have also celebrated Charlie's birthday, Christmas, and the New Year, so we have been quite busy.

Smiles in the tub - 2 months old

Malachi started walking a lot a couple of weeks before his birthday. First steps were probably taken closer to 10.5 months but they were very few until about 11ish months old. This was such a shocker to me as Adelaide and Charlie both walked well after their first birthdays. Mali didn't waste any time with chasing after his siblings and I just love to see his tiny frame toddling around. He is on the small side for boys - at his one year check up he weighed 18lb 15oz and was 29.25inches. Pretty normal for all of our kids though! Charlie was just a little bigger than this when he turned a year old, and Adelaide was only 16lbs at one year!

First friends - Lennon and Malachi

Malachi and Oma - 6 months

A month ago, Mali was probably only saying a couple of words - mama, dada, Ada, bye-bye... he was signing 'more' and is also now signing 'all done,' 'thank you,' and 'milk.' Speaking of milk... yep, still nursing! We have been trying a very gradual weaning process and I can't report yet if it is working or not ;) I have had mastitis three times in as many months, so while I am a bit eager to wean so as not to get it again, I have to go super slow, also so I don't get sick again! Malachi eats well with us at all meals and isn't too picky - he will try anything I put in front of him at least once. But when he doesn't want something he has a bad habit of putting it on the floor. Due to him being child #3, mama and daddy don't usually see this when it happens and thus it still happens rather frequently. I will say though that when he gets down from the table, he cleans up any food he threw down and has a little 'snack.'

Papa & Nanna with Malachi - 7 months

Malachi's first year was a big one. We took two road trips to Oklahoma - one when he was two weeks old and the second when he was 9 months. We also drove to Virginia for a two-week visit with Andy & Kerry. When Malachi was 6 months old we went to Australia for 5 weeks. We also were so blessed to have all of our immediate family come visit us in Franklin this year - February, March, June, July, November, and December all had our house overflowing with visiting family - what a blessing!

Malachi loves: dancing, shaking his head, clapping, being sung to, his brother and sister, watching daddy work, mama holding him, smiling, eating things he shouldn't (crayons, etc), and being outside. He really wants to be outside all of the time, but at the moment it is too cold and I have to watch very carefully as he will eat everything on the ground - rocks, mulch, grass, trash, etc. I think he learns through his mouth ;)

First hair cut - October

Malachi is not what I would call a 'great napper,' but he does take 2-1.5 hour naps, most days. Some times though, he will go through a whole day with only a 30-minute nap in the car. These days are a bit rough, but he is actually very happy even when tired. He still sleeps great at night, except for a wake-up between 5-6am for a feed, then straight back down until 7:30/8. Bedtime is 6pm on 'bad nap days' and 7:30pm on good nap days, which means he is in bed between 12-14 hours each night. I'm not complaining :)

Our whole family and everyone we know just loves Malachi. He has a super sweet nature and is such a happy, content boy. He loves to play and wrestle and run around, but he also loves his cuddles, kisses, and hugs.

Christmas, 12.5 months

Thanks for blessing this mama, Malachi!!

Walking away, Christmas Day. 12.5 months

October 2013 trip to Virginia

October 2013 - my one photo of all five kids from our Virginia trip

A few weeks ago we took a trip back to Northern Virginia to visit my family and for Ben to do some work in DC. On our drive there, Charlie came down with a bad case of croup, and by the end of the week we had five sick kids and one sick adult. At the end of the trip I was so happy to be back home where each of my children had their own bedroom and especially because I had Ben to help out, but I do not regret our trip for one minute.

Emaline and Adelaide

Adelaide (4.75 years), Malachi (10.5 months) and Charlie (2.75 years) in the tub

Cousin Desmond, 11.5 months

I have been reading a book called "Bittersweet" and one chapter is about the importance of face-to-face relationships. I have so many friends and family spread out literally all over the world, and we have travelled a lot as a family this year to see many people. The travel has been hard at times and exhausting all around, but the face-to-face time that we have had with our friends and family - irreplaceable. Our kids may not remember all of these trips, but I will, and so will the people we have seen. I try to do a good job about making phone calls to my family and sending cards in the mail but there is truly nothing like a night spent with loved ones chatting away. While in Virginia, we only had a few nights that Ben was staying with the rest of us and not away working, but there were some beautiful evenings of getting all five kids to bed and the adults spending time laughing about nonsense like essential oil jokes and funny beards seen on TV, or playing a game of Wordament on the phone app. These moments are so rich to me and so necessary in the rush of life. These moments are deep on a spiritual level, and I truly believe that we (I) cannot thrive without them.

Uncle Andy teaching Charlie to eat his vegetables "like a robot"

Emaline and Malachi

Although the kids were sick one after the other for about 10 days, they had such fun playing together. Adelaide is the oldest by two years, but she and Emaline laugh and giggle and act like sweet sisters. Emaline and Charlie are only 4 months apart, and with both of them at 2.5 years old, their little conversations with each other are just beautiful. Malachi and Desmond are a mere 5 weeks apart and are at a perfect age (10.5-12 months) of interacting with each other. Desmond loved to tackle Malachi as he would be crawling away and give him a big squeeze and slobbery kiss. It took Malachi nearly the whole two weeks before he finally got used to his cousin's love and wouldn't cry :) Emaline also loved her time with Malachi. They both have very quiet, sweet spirits. We also got to celebrate Desmond's first birthday while we were there!

Desmond preparing to 'attack' Malachi

Going in for the kill!

Ema and Adelaide

Charlie, Adelaide and Emaline, decorating Desmond's birthday cupcakes

Happy Birthday, Desmond!

With all of the sickness going around, it took a while to arrange days to see some of our friends as we had to be patient for all to get better. We did get to see quite a few people before we left town, which I am so grateful for!

Malachi, Adelaide and Charlie with friends Carter and Audrey

Hockey and Kelly children playing at the playground

{Gabby, Adelaide and Esther}

Mama with Charlie and Malachi

We enjoyed 2.5 years of living close to Andy and Kerry but thankfully, the memories don't have to end there. Since we moved away just over a year ago, we have got to see them 4 times. I'm so thankful for my family and also Ben's family and the closeness that I feel to each one of them, despite all of the miles that separate us. God has been so good and faithful to me and reminds me daily how blessed I am.

Desmond and Malachi saying their good-byes :) 

A miracle - three sleeping children on the way home!

Adventures in Australia: The Australia Zoo

Before we left Australia this summer, we had one big adventure left to embark: going to the Australia Zoo. It almost didn't happen. We left it for the last week of our trip, but that whole week the weather forecast was cold + rainy, not a great combination with three little kids. We drove to the zoo one day and it just poured rain the whole way there, so we turned right around and drove to a Macca's (what they call McDonald's) for the kids to play before heading back to our holiday apartment. The day before we were flying home we took one last drive to the zoo and were blessed with a beautiful 'winter' day - it was around 70 degrees F and the sun was shining. (Have I mentioned that I love Australia??)

Dingo

Cassowary

Sleepy koala

Playful koala

Charlie "cheesing"

Adelaide playing in the 'crocodile'

Charlie feeding a kanagroo

Adelaide feeding the kanagroos

Ben, Adelaide and Charlie feeding an elephant

Malachi

This is absolutely my favorite zoo. Partly I'm sure because of all of the animals they have that are native to Australia. Some of the highlights were definitely feeding/petting the kangaroos, feeding an elephant, and playing on all of the fake crocodiles. Adelaide's favorite animal was by far the cassowary. Charlie loved the rhinos and zebras. The kids really enjoyed it and we made it until about lunchtime before any big meltdowns, then headed back to Carl and Jane's for one last night with the family. 

Adelaide

Adelaide and Charlie saying good-bye to Stever Erwin and family

I have one more post about our Australia trip that I have yet to finish. It is about our trip from a different perspective, with photos all taken by Adelaide and Charlie. Been working on it for a while, life has just been keeping me busy which is good as always!