These Four Walls

We are 2 days away from moving... leaving New Jersey, and on to (hopefully) another new wonderful chapter in our life. I'm feeling the emotions today. I really haven't enjoyed living in NJ and I haven't really made many friends either (until a few weeks ago, hah!). But in this moment, as Adelaide is napping and I am in my room going through papers, I am looking back at the last 12 months. It was in this room, on this very bed, that I found out Robbi had passed away. My dad called and told me. And then just 10 days later, my mom called me to say that my dad had passed away, as I laid in this same bed, in this same room. I don't want to stay here any longer, and I'm glad the Lord is taking us away from here, from these memories... they will never leave my mind. But maybe this will signify a way to heal even more from these deep hurts.

I looked at the calendar today. I recently booked a flight back to OK for Benj's graduation in May. Little did I know, I will be flying back to OK exactly one year after I flew there for my dad's funeral. And Benj's graduation... just a year and a week after my dad died. My heart breaks for my little brother. How strong he must be! I remember graduating just a few years ago, and the hurt I still had from Trevor's death. I'm glad that I can be with my brother for this very significant day in his life.

My life has changed so much since dad died. I feel like I have so much to tell him. The healing has begun, but I don't think it is ever finished. The pain and the memory and the loss remains, whether in Watchung, NJ, or in Virginia, or on the moon. No one said that life was easy, but I do have the promise in Christ that He will never forsake me. Through the tears and the joys of life, I have one friend that remains.